danellephant never forgets: full coverage

okay, so we've all seen 'em...coconut bras. they look something like this:

anyone who knows me well, knows that i would LOVE to be a coconut bra model. sadly, they do not grow coconuts large enough to provide proper coverage for martha and millicent, so i have never had the opportunity to realize this dream. but wait....yesterday i was killing time with my mom and sister while my niece got her cute hair cut and color, and i stumbled across the answer to my dilemma:

i'm not quite sure what the real purpose of these little (okay, not little) beauties is, but they worked quite well as tools with which to embarrass my mom and forced-to-be-my-camera-woman sister. and even though they doubted my abilities to rock the faux coconut bra, they were proven wrong when the couple walking behind my camera woman, called out, "NICE!" i really did miss my calling in life....you know, on the coconut catwalk.

My favorite part of The Lion King is when Zazu (sp?) is singing, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...!" Yes. I do.

some quotes i find amusing

In a world full of Cheerios, be a Froot Loop!

I can't tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring.

i hope your eco-friendly status symbol doesn't smash into a poor, innocent tree.

a good workplace safety rule is to keep employees apart if their weight differs by 11,850 pounds and the heavier one has two prior murders.

women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly. . .on broomsticks. we're flexible like that.

advice is a lot like deodorant, the people you most want to give it to are probably not going to use it anyway.

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

"when you use the word 'like' in inappropriate places all the time, it makes you sound like you don't know nothin'!"

"the happiest people aren't necessarily those who have everything, but those who make the most of everything they have."

"you were meant for me. perhaps as a punishment."

"the only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you."

"if you think the problems the government creates are bad, just wait until you see their solutions."

"genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99% perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad."

"with focus, dedication and steroids, men can achieve impossible dreams. like breaking a world record. or growing their own breasts."

"the downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious."

"quitters never win, and winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots."

"when you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the earth which will destroy all life. then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. unless it's death by meteor."

"since i can't be a good example to others, the least i can do is serve as a terrible warning."

"i can't wait for annie to get her first facelift. . .she's going to need 2 doctors." joan rivers about two-faced annie duke.

"clint black is a one man band. . .he'd give himself a hickie." -joan rivers about the annoying clint black

"no one feels as helpless as someone with a sick goldfish." -so true

"why doesn't he try to kick our ass at being a good person?" -jesse james to dennis rodman with love

“once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.” -einstein (thanks trina!)

"it may be true that the early bird gets the worm, but have you ever stopped to consider that the early worm gets eaten?"

"there are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory."

"rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals. nobody wants to read the small print in dreams."

"intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings."

"i've always wanted to be somebody, but i see now i should have been more specific."

"the first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left."

"how old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?"

"when i was younger, i could remember anything, whether it had happened or not."

"some folks never exaggerate--they just remember big."

"if you're yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning."

"i don't want everyone to like me; i should think less of myself if some people did."

"don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."

"it's no fun doing nothing when you've got nothing to do."

"some people are a lot like slinkies. they don't really do much, but it puts a smile on your face when you see them tumble down a flight of stairs."

"tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to be sarcastic."

"scars are tattoos with better stories."

"i’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous."

"the trouble with life is there’s no background music."

"light travels faster than sound, that’s why some people appear bright until they speak."

"people are seldom too busy to stop and tell you how busy they are."

"the sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up."

"deep down I’m a very shallow person."

"before you insult somebody you should walk a mile in their shoes. that way when you insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!"

"dance, even if you have to warn others to get out of the way first."

"by the time you read this you've already read it."

more to come

15 comments:

Kristina P. said...: What are those?; February 21, 2010 at 3:42 PM
Catherine said...: Love it! However, I will never be able to look at my coconut basket liners the same.; February 21, 2010 at 6:24 PM
Leslie said...: So Funny!; February 21, 2010 at 7:13 PM
caplansinbotswana said...: I would totally buy those for you, Danelle.; February 21, 2010 at 9:47 PM
Arah Debra said...: Lol! You are hilarious!! I can just picture your mom, red with embarrassment.; February 21, 2010 at 9:57 PM
Tiffany P. said...: My favorite part of this picture is your mamma's polite/embarrassed smile behind you. love it.; February 22, 2010 at 8:03 AM
Danelle said...: ***the comments on this blog do not express the views or opinions of the blogger...because i don't know what tiff is talking about. i don't even KNOW that completely random stranger behind me, for sure it is NOT a photo of my mom, because i am NOT allowed to post photos of my family on this blog.***; February 22, 2010 at 8:50 AM
Becky said...: Those are some really big...er..cocounts!; February 22, 2010 at 9:00 PM
Danelle said...: My favorite part of The Lion King is when Zazu (sp?) is singing, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...!" Yes. I do.; February 22, 2010 at 9:57 PM
Shay said...: Way to think outside the box!...I think those are planters...So you can wear them and plant something in them afterward.; February 23, 2010 at 9:44 AM
Kim said...: I love that you call your ladies Martha and Millicent, because my ladies have the same names. Could Elaine maybe have had something to do with that?!!!; February 23, 2010 at 1:34 PM
Marcia said...: Wait a minute--I get the coconuts, but they are only half the costume! Where is the grass skirt?
And no biking shorts underneath, either!; February 24, 2010 at 1:35 PM
Unknown said...: Bahahaha. I so need some of those. My husband wants to get a shirt that says "tell your boobs to quit looking at my eyes. I said I need one that says " tell your eyes to quit looking at my boobs."; February 25, 2010 at 11:36 AM
Autumn said...: LOL!! Danelle you give me so much happiness! Love the look on the random womans face behind you in the photo! Gonna laugh all day about this AND about the shirt that Ty wants Jenn to buy him!; February 28, 2010 at 3:43 PM
flanneryhouse said...: Ok - I get Daily Gems everyday but now I NEEEEED Danelle's Daily Gems because you are freaking hilarious and I've been laughing all night long about this post. You are NOT your mother's child or your sisters' sister. It just can't be. Now I will forever have to name my hanging petunias Martha and Millicent. I gotta name mine something a little less "out there" such as Ann and Kay.; March 1, 2010 at 11:11 AM

danellephant never forgets

Sunday, February 21, 2010

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